Miss Piggy

That is what the most recent addition to our clinic looks like, she's been there for like 2 months. I didn't like her immediately, I have a sixth sense about low lifes. Today, she really ticked me off, and I said. "That's it! I'm blogging her!"
She wears a ton of makeup, and little piggy tails in her hair, like she's a giant middle-aged toddler or something. It's disturbing.
When she started working with us, she told one of the other receptionists (that's what her primary job is) how much the people she worked with before loved her. Apparently they told her how great she was all of the time, and wrote her little notes on their dry erase board like "You rock!" and "Miss Piggy's the best!" Yeah, I'll write her a note. What kind of desperate freak tells someone she barely knows how much other people like her?
Last week, I had to relieve myself (as I do like 6 times in the morning, I pee a LOT), so I head into the can. And in the bowl, bobbing around in the surf, is a whitish foamy blob with some yellow/red mixed in. I flush the toilet with my foot and go about my business, and when I return to the prep room I let everyone know about the mucous plug I encountered.
"Oh, that was Miss Piggy." says Mavis. "I saw her go in and she made all of these coughing horking noises." She hocked a loogie in the toilet and LEFT IT IN THERE. First of all, what made her decide the toilet was the appropriate place for her throat discharge? And what kind of nasty hag leaves it for some poor, unsuspecting person who plans to make normal use of the facilities? ( I went in later that day and the pot was full of TP that had dark stuff on it- it was a bad day for me and my bladder).
So TODAY, one of the other receptionists ordered out mexican food for lunch. It's always comes with a buttload of chips and salsa. There's a bag in the breakroom when the doc and I go in to eat, so we ask if it's okay to have some. "Oh yeah, go ahead." Well Miss Piggy waddles in shortly thereafter and starts to make small talk. She overheard us talking about Katie Holmes and how she hasn't done any decent films since she hooked up with Crazy Cruise, and I was saying how stupid "Mad Money" was. She whines "Oh, you didn't like it? I thought it was cute!" "No, I hated it." (I've actually never seen it). "Oh, blah, blah, start eating chips, blah blah, roll up bag, blah, blah, walk out of the break room with it......" The doc and I stared after her with our mouths gaping, struck dumb temporarily by the heist. It was pretty obvious we were eating them, the salsa dribbling from our chins gave it away I'm sure. "Well, maybe she ordered Mexican food too and they're hers." WRONG. Unbelievable.
She's also bitchy and confrontational, she's already gotten into it with a couple other employees.
"No wonder her husband left her." I say. Apparently for her best friend. Ouch. She cries intermittently and without warning.
Completely unrelated, who's watching American Idol tryouts? I love them. The people are creepy (especially bowl cut blond big tooth who sang the love song about his mom) and Simon is mean. I have to admit though, I do get goosebumps when someone walks in and belts out a beautiful voice.