Client Quote of the Day

"Fifteen head a' dawg and I gotta pick the one with no twat!" (Translation: There were fifteen puppies available for adoption and I chose the one with no vulva)

-the hillbilly woman who just found out her new female puppy has the hole but no lips

Inbred + Inbred = the perfect match in my opinion

Thirty Five

BAH. So I guess this means I'm going to continue to get older and uglier until I eventually croak it. I just hope I stay spry and sharp right up to the end. I don't see why I wouldn't- active , independent seniors run in my family. Also on the positive side, I take decent care of myself AND I don't ACT my age, both things I believe will increase my longevity.
Moving on...I went to Florida for a work conference a couple weeks ago! It was fantastic! I learned a lot of useful things as pertaining to my job, I went to Medieval Times, I went to Sea World, AND I got to see Foreigner live!! I wouldn't say they're a favorite or anything, but I do like several of their songs, and they are rock legends after all. For those of you who check my blog more than you do Facebook, here's the best picture I took while in Orlando- The Lead Singer of Foreigner's Mangina!


Seriously, he either tucked it back so his super tight pants wouldn't damage the goods, or he's packing a vienna sausage.
I also took a picture of this guy....

...because he has a thick, full moustache. Aaron can't grow one (beyond what looks like dirt on his upper lip), and I like to torture him with that fact whenever the opportunity arises. There was actually an even better one at Medieval Times but it kept coming out too dark. The lighting in there I guess...
So yes, Aaron and I insult each other a lot and give each other hell. We do it because we both think it's funny, we love each other, and we like to make each other laugh (at each other's expense). It's actually one of my favorite things about our relationship. But occasionally, we can get a little mushy too. Aaron said something rude to me at my sister's last night, and Mary says (while laughing) "You're mean!", when I remember the grocery list in my pocket. "He talks a lot of crap" I say, "but he really loves me a whole lot. I have the proof right here." I made the mistake of pulling it out when I was too close to him, and he snatched it away. Then he ripped off the last thing he had written on the list and ATE it. It said "1 pkg of love". HA! Bastard. I was planning to take a picture of it and blog it, but that's okay. He thinks he won, but there's more where that came from....

My birthday card from my Prince Charming. The present was a pink Snuggie! Woohoo! Although I think it was a partially selfish gift, he gets tired of me bitching about how cold I am.

The girls decided to lend their artistic talents to help finish Aaron's back piece...

AND, A WEIRD LAWN ORNAMENT UPDATE:

I found the placement of the sign strange. Does he not want us in the yard at all, or is it okay if we go in the yard, as long as we don't touch his alien?

AND FINALLY, I just had a bowl of my favorite ice cream and I am PISSED. I get a 1/2 the fat chocolate chocolate chip, that is SUPPOSED to have dark chocolate chips in it which is WHY I buy it in the first place, and this is the SECOND one I've brought home that contains ZERO. Actually the last one had ONE in it, that happened to be scooped in with Aaron's serving. I'm sending them a nasty e-mail.

Scoop O' Poop

It's time to give in to what?! That shart you've been holding at bay with your butt cheeks? This has to be one of the most disgusting food ads I've ever seen! Who is thinking these things up, and what moo-ron is paying them for their ideas? Because I want in on it. If gross is all it takes, I'm their girl. I've already got an idea for yogurt. It would be a close up of a big blob on the corner of someone's mouth, and it would say "It's time to swallow it." And that's just off the top of my head.

I was in an exam room cleaning the table after a patient left, when my gaze swept over the supply container. We have a clear, plastic cylinder in every room that has tongue depressors and q-tips in it- the ones on the end of a long wooden stick. Normally they're in there cotton tip down, but there was one with the cotton tip sticking up. And it had a big golden chunk of wax on it. "UUGGHH!" I took the container out of the room and showed it to everyone, because I wanted to make sure everyone had an opportunity to be grossed out. Then I took a picture of it, I intended to take the camera home and load it on my computer, but then I forgot. Maybe later. It was obviously human ear goo, pet wax looks different. We all figured it was a client who either thought it was funny OR they were disgruntled from having to wait too long, so they were like "I'll show them!", and left us a shiny surprise. At least I thought this until I showed my prize to the last co-worker on my list, and she said "I've found those before!!" So this leads me to believe an employee is the culprit, which I find disturbing. Why would someone who works there dig treasure out of their ear and leave it for someone else to deal with? It may seem like a small thing, but it speaks of an angry, possibly malicious personality.
My theory is it's the same person who takes their daily dump at work EVERY SINGLE MORNING. This poop perpetrator has been identified, we'll call her Fantasia. Every day she comes in, makes a GIANT cup of coffee that she works on for about 30 minutes to an hour (she's certainly not working on anything else), then she'll slip into the can for a good 10-15. The cue for her exit is a 5 second "sssshhhhhhh" which is the sweet sound of the Lysol dispensing it's perfume, so it can mingle with the doody cloud, leaving the pleasant "farts and flowers" combination.
WHY is she okay with that??! I would make an effort to get up a few minutes earlier, ya know, have my coffee at HOME, so that my colon is clean BEFORE I hit the office (actually, that is what I do). I just don't get it! And this I why I think she's the q-tip culprit as well, a criminal who leaves things instead of taking them.
By the way, Fanstasia is because she is one of those people who sings in a "listen to how beautiful my voice is" way, and she actually said once that she could've made it on American Idol. Whenever she starts in, I clench my teeth to either A)keep myself from telling her to shaddup or B) keep myself from laughing- depending on my mood.

You know what I never get tired of? Different people making the same comments over and over when I'm walking Indy. "Are you walking her or is she walking you?" "Is that a horse or a dog?" Hahahahahaaaaaa.....it never gets old.

So putting our Christmas tree out in freezing temps overnight while leaving a sprinkler drizzling on it has become a Griffin family tradition...

I love this picture, her expression and posture say "I'm really, really cold"

The fact that she's wearing Aaron's water shoes might have something to do with that...

By the way, Tatum took those pictures. I told her to take a picture of the tree, she took the rest on her own. I see blogging in her future, she's a natural..