Don't Let The Cat Out of The Bag

It was a typical day at the office, we were all hanging in the lab, reading fecals, expressing anal glands, venipuncturing a jugular on a wiggly Yorkie, etc. You know, the usual. Prego returns from a room she just got done working up with a big grin on her face, and a giant suitcase dangling from her fingertips. "Hey, where are you going?" I inquire. "Can I come?" "I'm not sure" she says while looking at the tag, "but I know I'm flying Delta." HA! So there was a cat in the suitcase, apparently the owners didn't have a carrier to transport him in. Now that I've actually seen a suitcase used as a carrier, I'm surprised I've never seen one toting a critter before. It makes sense really. I HAVE a picture of the luggage, but it won't upload, I tried 4 TIMES. @#$&$(*)@ technology.
Our feline friend was very ill feeling AND ill tempered. We had to pull blood for a cbc and chemistry. As we were trying to decide the best way to restrain the beast while keeping all of our limbs in their original condition, I suddenly remembered. The Cat Bag! Recently acquired, we had yet to put it to use. You see, you zip the cat's entire body into it, so only his head is poking out. There are two little zippers on the front so you can pull out his legs if needed (which we did later for catheter placement). Because he was as likely to inflict damage with his choppers as he was his talons, we put one of our cat muzzles on him too. We refer to these fondly as our "bondage equipment". I was so delighted with the end result, that I actually willingly smiled and posed for a photo with the puddy tat.....

heeheehee. He's pushing on it as hard as he can with his front paws. HA! So as this picture demonstrates, the cat bag and the cat muzzle combined allow you to cuddle a creature that would otherwise rip your head off and use your neck as kitty litter. It was faaabulous! It would've taken three rather than 2 people to put a catheter in Fluffy here if not for our gremlin gear. Woo Ha!
So we took these pictures with one of our cameras at work, and Ca -cas downloaded them and sent them to me. When she was done she called me to tell me and said "I also sent you two other pictures I found on there." Woohoo! I went into my e-mail, giddy with anticipation. One of the pictures is a pile of crap. As you can imagine, we see dumps of all shapes, sizes, colors, textures, smells...you get the idea. For the most part, a loaf is not picture worthy, simply because it's such a common occurrence. You know, it would be like taking a picture of one of the books in your office if you're a lawyer. Or taking a picture of a trash can if you're a sanitation man. A dime a dozen. However, this particular excrement was special, and I'll tell you why: A) it was especially foul smelling B) it was especially foul looking C) it was one of the HUGEST dog dumps I have ever seen D) it came from a dog that wasn't much bigger than it was. I'm not kidding. I don't see how this dog lost such a giant part of itself and lived to tell about it......

The other picture she sent was of our former favorite co-worker- I'll use her name now since she's long gone- TRACY. Ugh. I WOULD'VE put it on here but for the fact that she's actually in the background, and there are two other employees at the foreground. One I was fond of, but she no longers work with us. The other....let's just say if she found out I put a picture of her on my blog without asking, she would probably press charges for displaying her image without permission. Or at the very least she'd be a beeitch about. Probably send out a memo about respecting the privacy of others and not discussing work issues with outsiders. What Happens at _____Animal Hospital Stays At _____Animal Hospital.

Also, Tracy is wearing make up in the picture!!! Come on! She probably wore it like 3 times in the 3 years she worked there! Where are the pictures of her in her grotesque natural state!!! Not that war paint did her much good. As Aaron (and Simon) would say, you can polish a turd, but it's still nuthin' but shit....or something like that

In Your Dreams

I rarely remember my dreams, and when I do they are vague and random, and most of the time I know I'm dreaming WHILE I'm dreaming. It's like I'm watching some boring artsy short film.
It seems like I'm more likely to remember them when I wake up then fall back asleep.
In my most recent remembered dream, I have left the house and realize as I make my way down the sidewalk that I've forgotten to put on my bra. That would NEVER happen. As I'm jiggling along, destination who knows, I realize I have missed several of my classes and wonder how I'm going to make up all of the work. I'm not in school. Then suddenly I'm at the top of this brick tower (it's actually more like a chimney), and it tips over and crashes to the ground. Jamie Fox was in there with me, and we are holding each other in the rubble, rocking back and forth and sobbing. My boss (a veterinarian) examines us for injuries. The End.
Come to think of it, most of the dreams I remember have someone famous in them, but not in any kind of cool or exciting way.
There was what I refer to as my "Patrick Swayze Period" in highschool (rest in peace). I mean, yeah he's a talented guy and attractive, but I it's not like I was a huge fan or anything. But I kept having these dreams where we were like best buds, we'd joke around and I'd ask him questions about life and for advice. There are two I remember specifically. In one he is on the deck of a yacht painting on an easel, I sneak up behind him and sprinkle some shredded cheese on his shoulder. "Hey" I say. "Has anyone ever told you that you have cheddar cheese on your shoulder?" HOHOHAHA. And then there's one when he's standing in front of me, and I turn so my side is pressed up against the back of him, and then I start jumping up and down yelling " I'm a wedgie! I'm a wedgie!" What?! Like you don't have effed up dreams?! Oh yeah, you're SO normal. Whatever. Anyway, my friends gave me a tremendous amount of hell for those. Patrick was referred to as my "soul mate" and/or my "spiritual advisor".
Then there's my only remembered Eddie Vedder dream, who I DID love and adore, for the music and his raw passionate sexiness. Anyways, in this dream I am in a HUGE crowd of people, all cheering and screaming for Eddie. He is slowly walking through the mass of bodies, shaking hands and smiling. It seems like an eternity as he creeps closer and closer to me. My heart rate increases, the anticipation is killing me. He FINALLY reaches me. Then he smiles. Shakes my hand. And keeps walking.
This reminds me of a dream Ca-cas told me about. HA! She was lucky enough to have one about Paul Rudd. However, he was a lousy kisser, and he kept doing a horrible Jackie Chan impersonation. "I'm Jackie Chan!!" HAHAHA!
I do actually remember having a dream once where someone was chasing me trying to shoot me. I ran down a hallway that had a bunch of cement alcoves and I ducked into one of them. I made the mistake of peeking my head out to see if this person followed me, and they shot me in the head. I've heard that if you die in your dream, you die in real life. Craaazzzy. I didn't die all the way though, I woke up while the warm wet blood was still oozing down the side of my head. It was probably actually the warm wet drool oozing out of the side of my mouth.
Completely unrelated, I had walked a client to the front desk to check out the other day, and he said "Can I have some of this candy?" We have a basket of halloween candy on the counter. "Help yourself." I say. "The more you eat, the less left for us to eat." "What are you talkin' about?" He says. "You could stand to gain a few pounds. You could turn sideways and become a memory! You could dry off with a washcloth when you get out of the shower!" I laugh and tell him he sounds just like my husband, who tell me I have to "run around in the shower to get wet." When I'm telling this story to my sister later, she says "My favorite is the Dorito one." I had completely forgotten it, and it is probably the funniest!! Aaron likes to say I'm so skinny I could "hang glide with a Dorito". It makes me laugh because I picture myself sailing through the air, gripping the corners of the corn chip, cheese powder caked on my fingertips, my legs flowing behind me. Oh yeah,and I'm wearing aviator goggles and a leather cap. heeheehee