I'm still pretty sure it's my office manager, a criminal who leaves things rather than taking them (i.e. daily foul smelling dumps, golden-tipped q-tips, pointless comments, useless suggestions, etc.), but anyway here's the picture I mentioned many moons ago when I blogged about the wascally waxer...
Beauty, eh?
I've been wanting to capture this oddity for a while. This is right down the road from me. Observe the car, the umbrella, the grill, and the chair (you can just see the top of it over the hood of the car). There are actually permanent dirt tire tracks in this lawn, where this car drives everyday to reach this back corner of the house, where it meets their fence. Most days, there's a morbidly obese gentleman, possibly shirtless (when weather permits), testing the limits of that plastic chair while chatting away on his cell phone. The grill is usually smoking (he looks like he indulges in a variety of meats frequently), and the umbrella is shading about 1/4 of his expansive girth. Are things so bad in the house? Is his wife constantly bitching about his increasing size and declining health, or does he just not want to share his bratwursts and burgers? And why the FRONT yard? Is it a cry for help? Should I run onto the lawn brandishing a fire extinguisher and whole grains? "PUT DOWN THE SAUSAGE SIR. IT'S OVER."
I was running a couple of weekends ago, and this older gentleman with perfectly sculpted hair that was the same color as his thick, dyed mustache, emerged from his front door in a matching bathrobe and slippers to fetch the paper from the end of his driveway. No one else I told about this thought it was strange or funny, I guess you had to be there. I seriously looked around for a film crew, I thought I was inadvertently plodding through a movie scene. Just wait til it hits the theatres and everyone sees me all sweaty and looking confused on the big screen! We'll see who's the weirdo then!
Reese was taking a shower with me tonight, and asked me why I had "those red things" (nipples). I told her she had them too, they were just smaller because she was little. She agreed, and went on to inform me that mine "look like scabs" because "they're so big." This reminded me of when Aaron said they look like ---- ----- ---- when I said his looked like fruit snacks. I used to think he said that just because he felt like I was insulting his little cherry flavored chews, but now I guess I have to admit there was some truth to his gibe. Really though, they could be compared to a lot worse. I mean, beef jerky bits might be a little tough and leathery, but they're also low in fat and calories, and a good source of protein....
