Battle Scars

Cutting releases all of my pain and anguish, and makes me feel alive and free. BUT REALLY, you're thinking, "Oooh, some vicious cat was using your arm as a scratching post." THINK AGAIN. I would say 7 out of 10 scratches I receive are from screeching, nervous vermin trying to pass themselves off as dogs. The biting, shaking, poo and pee-making variety- teacup, miniature, toy, and pocket breeds. They are the bane of our existence and our bread and butter. For some reason people can't get enough of them. These bug-eyed, spastic freaks that look like Fraggle Rock rejects have become all of the rage. They're just not natural.
The "dog" that did this to my arm was a pomeranian. If you are not familiar with them, they look like you should be shoving them between your blinds for dusting, not buying them kibble. This particular animal was not mean, but it was doing something common for these little guys when you're holding them for exam. He had his toothpick forelimbs wrapped around my arm, clinging for dear life like a monkey on a tree branch. I didn't even realize what happened until we were done and I had put him up. I remarked " Gee, my arm kinda stings." Then I look down and I'm like "Holy S**t!" I guess his little dagger nails were so freaking sharp the pain didn't register until after the fact. They were oozing bright red blood and my skin was curled up at the ends of them like pencil shavings. We were sending him home some ointment for a sore on his tail, and I used some of it on my arm. "It's the least the little bastard can do for tearing me up", I explain to my co-workers.
This new injury reminded me of my favorite scar:
This is my leg just above the knee. This crescent shaped disfigurement was a gift from an evil entity we were having to keep at work to medicate. He had suffered some bite wounds from another dog ( I can't imagine why this dog didn't like him), and his owners were unable to flush his wounds at home (imagine that). We had him on tranquilizers for the duration, but he seemed to become more resistant to them with every day that went by. I thought I had his treatment down to a science. He would let you get him out of his kennel okay, but I used the rabies pole so I would have better control of him when it was time to muzzle him. The rabies pole is a metal pole with a loop on the end of it. You put it over their head, and you can tighten and release it with mechanisms on the other end. It allows you to keep a distance between you and the beast. ANYWAY, I would take him out with that thing on, then I would sneak up behind/over him while others distracted him and CLAMP my knees at the base of his skull with lightning speed. Then one of the other people would use a long piece (really long) of stretch gauze with a loop on the end of it to put over his nose and pull it tight, THEN we would slip a regular muzzle over that. This worked well for a while, but our luck ran out one day. He managed to twist his head around even in my powerful leg lock (picture the exorcist) and clamp his incisors into my quad. One of my fellow employees marveled at how much it looked like a little kid bit me. This canine was a Basenji, not a little rodent breed, but worthless just the same. Other breeds to avoid- chihuahuas, shih tzus, american eskimos (and spitz), chinese cresteds, and min pins. I'm not saying there aren't exceptions to the rule that these breeds suck, but why take the chance? Just say no.