Indy: A Constant Source of Irritation and Amusement

Here she is. As you can see by her expression (she alternates between confused and bewildered), she's not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. She's 2 years old. She thinks she's ankle high even though she's taller than both of my kids. She's afraid of thunderstorms and fireworks. She greets people by chewing on their arms and elbows- if you're a kid, it's your shoulder or head. She eats socks. Swallows them whole like a python. They come out the other end exactly the same other than the poop crust coating. I probably scoop 2-3 crunchy socks out of the yard weekly. She's learned to stick with the girls ' socks. She tried to eat Aaron's once and barfed it up. She also tried to eat one of my niece's burp rags and upchucked that as well. She likes to do a drive by nose flip on the trash can lid when she walks by it, you know, to see if there's anything good in there. One time she ate an entire chicken's worth of chicken bones. Because she's so gargantuan, I just popped the lid on the hydrogen peroxide and made her chug. I had to follow her around the yard and pick up her skeletal horks. It was night and I could only find the kid's cow flashlight, so I was mooing and shoveling. She likes to sit on laps and snarfs you in the butt when you least expect it. In summary, she is an awesome dog.

She stole the show all day on Monday. I was doing yard work, and set up the slip n' slide for the girls. Indy proceeded to gallop her laps in the yard (she vibrates the house) to include the slip n' slide, biting at the spray. The girls were cracking up.

Later I was reading them a book while they ate. They were looking for a wool producing animal in the book, and they said "What animal says "Baaaa"? A cow, a sheep, a cat, a dog?" Does a dog say "Baaaa"? On cue, Indy let out a low rumbly belch that definitely sounded like one. I thought Tatum was going to bust something.

Finally, we were watching a show, and I heard licking. Indy was at her nether region, which is what she does when her anal glands need emptying. If you don't know what those are, look it up. Anyway, I jumped up, shooed her out, and followed with paper towel. But I couldn't get around them with the paper towel in my hands, they were like golf balls!! I had to drop it and squeeze them one at a time. In my haste to keep her from spackling the house with her musky drippage, I forgot my hair was down. I accidentally hosed some in it. If anyone has gotten anal juice on them before, you know you can wash 80 times and still smell it or think you smell it, because the stench burns into nasal passages. The other day, my boss got some in the eye. I guess that's what happens when you put your winker too close to theirs.