The Rock of Love Bus Tour has arrived! Woo hoo! I don't watch any TV shows because I don't have the time or interest. You have to watch all the episodes or you don't know what the hell's going on, and I don't have the TV taping crap that allows me to watch whenever I feel like it. HOWEVER, I make an exception for Rock of Love. It's on Sunday night, and if for some reason I miss it then it's on again Monday night. Sometimes my sister and I get together to watch it, and if we don't we call each other after it's over to discuss the highlights. The season premiere did not disappoint. Basically, it's Bret Michaels, the former lead singer of Poison, pretending like he's trying to find his true love so he can make his way through a herd of desperate, tweeked out skanks on national television. There was a girl who rapped him a tune she wrote on the back of a genital herpes hand out, and who was also so heavily medicated that she kept stumbling into the girl next to her at elimination (when he decides who gets a "pass" and who's leaving). She was wearing what looked like a pink shiny ribbon that covered one nipple, angled down over her va-jay, then shot back up to hide the other nipple. This same girl also drank a shot from one of those test tube glasses as it was protruding out of another girl's tainted taco. I was kinda sad to see them both kicked off so early, they seemed to have a lot of potential.
Bret is such a pathetic bandana sporting douche bag. I love it when they show him looking off into the distance reflecting on life, his lips pooching and scraggly hair shining in the setting sun.
Even though the two dirtiest hookers are gone, the remaining ladies show a lot of promise. The previous blog is a clip from the season premiere. It's rather funny, and it shows him kissing which he does like 20 times every show, and it's disgusting. He looks like the world's lousiest kisser to me. His lips are always puffy and oily, and he smushes and gushes them all over their mouths. They remind me of the monkey vagina from my zoo blog, and honestly I think I'd rather make out with that.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
BRET IS BACK
Monday, January 5, 2009
Crishmas Picshures
Here is Reese in her elegant Christmas Day attire, believe it or not she put this little number together herself. She has on a cute little poofy sleeved shirt with purple flowers, a new pair of pajama pants, and for the finishing touch, a face full of dirt and red popsicle. She had pink sparkly shoes too, not pictured here.
Tatum's one woman show, she's listening to her new Ipod shuffle. Probably it's Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana/overpaid toothy teen. There's one song of hers she listen to over and over and over....
When my pictures were loading, I noticed SEVERAL taken by Tatum that I wish I would've discovered prior to putting them on the computer. Here's a couple-One of our other camera:
And one of a banana peel and a breakfast bar wrapper:
There's also like 5 of barbie clothes, 5 of her barbie house, like 20 of her princess calender, one of the trash can, one of the kitchen table, one of her backpack, one of her hand giving the piece sign, one of her feet, one of my butt (clothed), and about another 20-25 that are unrecognizable."The answer my friend, is blowin' in the wind. The answer is blowin' in the wind....."
Here's my former wall porn. Plump ones to the left, droopy ones top and bottom right, and I think those are the fuzzy one mid-right....
And a last one of my little beauties, one grinning while forcing the other to smile...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
In a One Horse Open Sleigh- HEY
That part of the song always made me picture a headless horse, I'm not sure why.
Yeah, it's been awhile. I haven't felt motivated enough to blog, it's the Christmas cuisine sitting like a yule-log in my colon. Really, Santa would avoid this chimney, it has an extra thick layer of soot, if you know what I mean. Not that I haven't been eating things that are good for me, I 've just been eating more than my fair share of slop too. I went grocery shopping today and picked up all of the healthy fare I normally ingest, it's back to feeling spry and spunky. After all, you are what you eat, and I don't want to be a vienna sausage.
NO, I've never actually eaten one. When something smells like rotten crotch and cat food, I generally keep it as far away from my mouth as possible.
We had a great Christmas, I have some pictures but I'm too lazy to put them on right now. None too terribly exciting anyway. There is one of Aaron that looks like it should be the cover of an album from the free love, folk singing era. That's the first thing I thought when I looked at it after I took it. I'll put it on eventually. I tried to put some in a few days ago and my cord to my computer is acting screwy. It kicked my camera off right before it saved the pictures. I didn't have the energy to give it another go. Really, this time of year is EXHAUSTING.
I did get a buttload of Itunes giftcards, I'm pretty excited about that. Only I can't think of any songs I want that I don't already have. I know they're out there, I've just got a mental block. So any suggestions...
Also, Aaron got me an Ipod player for my car so I'm not cruising along with the buds in my ears, an accident waiting to happen. My sister got me a shirt, a little stuffed mange mite (I named him Itchy), AND she paid for my house to get cleaned. BOO YAH
The girls got loads of loot as usual. Tatum recognized a Santa gift, she saw it out in our garage room before she got it. Oops. It's okay though, we made her feel like she imagined it. "No you didn't Tatum, it must've been something else." Aaron's like "Great, she'll grow up to be an adult who doubts herself all of the time. She'll witness a crime and the cops'll be like "Is this the man you saw?" And she'll say "Yes. No. I don't know! I thought I saw a game from Santa a week before I got it, but I was wrong about that too!"
My mom helped me paint Reese's room a vibrant blue for her birthday, we surprised her. She's been asking to have it painted forever, partly because she wanted it painted, part stall tactic at bed time. She loved it. Almost as much as I loved it when Aaron surprised me by painting the kitchen. There was wallpaper before, with 3 different kinds of fruit in pairs, that all looked like nuts. Not macadamia or pecans, I'm talking about testicles. There was a firm plump pair, a fuzzy looking softer pair, and even one where one piece of fruit was hanging lower than the other one. Nothing like eating a meal surrounded by scrotum. When I'm feeling a little less comatose maybe I can scare up a photo with it in the background so you can share in its majesty.
Well, that's all for now I think. I'd list my New Year's Resolutions if I ever made any, but I don't. Is that terrible? Okay, here's one- I'm going to try my hardest to capture my favorite co-worker and her elusive mythical creature boyfriend on film.
BLAH. The other day one of the docs and I were out back talking to Animal control about an injured dog they brought by for us to assess, and I hear and FEEL this "huh-heh. huh-heh. huh-heh." I look behind me and it's HIM labored breathing in my ear, all tuckered out from the 10 foot walk he took from their apartment to nose around in our business. He hovered there the whole time, then he was like, "Oh, I just wanted to make sure you guys didn't need any help carrying the dog in before I went inside." As if we need his mayonnaise muscles, we're a lot more capable then he is. He'd probably have a heart attack as soon as he made it through the doors and sue for medical expenses and emotional distress.
Friday, December 19, 2008
FUNDIES
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Casseroles & Asserholes
We had our Christmas pot luck lunch at work the other day, I brought this cheesy potato dish. It has a STICK AND A HALF of butter in it. It's nutritious and delicious. I had no choice but to bring it over to the witchy weeble wobble's apartment to have it warmed up. It was either that or everyone would have to warm up their servings individually in the microwave. So I take a deep breath, square my shoulders, and trudge next door. And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but two very large men and their bellies of beer. Inside I was retching. "Hi" I say. This guy with her abdominable boyfriend was actually more disgusting than him, I didn't think that was possible. He was fatter, which makes him a candidate for his own reality show on Discovery Health. He was also one of those people who's really fair skinned with hair so red it's orange. "Whatcha got?" They're bursting out of the sides of their warping plastic lawn chairs, craning their necks (what's left of them) to try to peek at my parcel. It's not like they would actually put forth the effort to get up, they would've brought their seats with them anyway. "It's a potato dish- with cheese, sour cream, butter- you know." "Like an Au Gratin." "Sort of. I guess." I knock and Humpty opens up to take my dish, and I hightail it out of there. Again, I didn't eat any of the spooge surprise she brought to the shindig. It was some kind of noodle thing with sauce on it. The possibilities for what could've been lurking in its depths are endless.
We chipped in and got the docs gift certificates for 60 minute massages at a nearby salon. I think they really liked them, my boss said he's never had one, and he could definitely benefit from it. It was funny because the the gift cards came in hot pink bags, I apologized to him explaining that was all they had, and we knew he was manly enough to handle it. Anyway, limp lungs from next door didn't contribute, she said she'd give me her share after payday, BUT she had gifts for them from only her, these nasty salami log and cheese chunk baskets. Whatever Repulsel!
Ohhhh, when I was at her apartment trying not to run away screaming, I saw something I will try to get a picture of tomorrow. You see, she hangs out her laundry to dry (sometimes for days- it may be laziness, or it's quite possible it takes their stuff that long to dry), and I spotted some sumo slingshots hanging close to the front door. TH-TH-THONG-THONG!
Friday, December 12, 2008
The Picture Bandit
Tatum isn't allowed to use the camera without permission and close supervision. I guess I'll have to start hiding it.
