Potheads, Perverts, and Puke

I like to grab the readers attention right from the get go. This is a work related blog, so many things happen that I could put on here, but I try to narrow them down to the most entertaining.
We have a few clients that come in totally stoned on a regular basis. They stumble in an hour late for their appointments, eyes bloodshot, smiling stupidly. We had one such client pick his dog up after he left it for neuter the day before- as a matter of fact I was telling all of my co-workers the day he dropped it off that I KNOW he's normally baked when he comes in. ANYWAYS, he brought his girlfriend with him to retrieve his dog- maybe he thought between the two of them they might be able to comprehend something or make some sense. One of my other co-workers was lucky enough to be the one to go over instructions with them. She had just started with how he had to limit his activity for about a week when he was like "Can I ask you a question?" "Sure." "Is it okay to give him weed to help keep him calm?" "No....I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be a good idea." He then starts to tell her how the dog ate a bunch of their stash one time- "Oh. Is that where it went?" asks the girlfriend. The marijuana debate continues, and the girlfriend says "Can I ask you something?" "Sure." Silence. "Umm...ne'ermind." "Are you sure?" Silence. "...ne'ermind." You had to see her impersonating the girl to really appreciate it, eyes drooping, words slurring...she left the room without going over the rest of the discharge with them, she said she couldn't take it anymore.
Then YESTERDAY, we had an dirty, old, obnoxious man came in. We actually have an alert on his chart to warn anyone who has the misfortune of dealing with him. He refused to wait, even though he just walked in. After they put him in a room, he was pretty much shouting until someone came in. "I'm in hare WAITIN'." "When is someone comin' in HARE?" After one of my co-workers came in he said,"Aintcha gonna close the door?" "NO." He talked the entire time the doc was talking and she said it was worse than the cajun on Waterboy, she just kept talking until she was done then left. He blew a kiss to one of the kennel girls, and every time our office manager walked by he said "HUP one, HUP two, HUP three..." I was laughing my ass off, of course, I didn't have to deal with him. Although I've CERTAINLY handled my fair share of vile hillbillies.
AND then finally, there's the puke. This happened a few weeks ago, and I told Ca-cas I would blog it. She was in isolation, medicating a sick dog, when it horked up all over the floor. She was trying to clean it up, and it was that really slimy, slithery stuff. The kind that just moves away from the paper towel or slides off of it when you try to scoop it up. While attempting to contain it long enough to dispose of it, SHE threw up in the trash can. I told her I would say I wish I could've seen it, but then I probably would've barfed too.
Well, that's about does it for this edition of Appalachian Animal Clinic, sorry if it blows, I AM TIRED. I have a vacation blog to do, I just have to get motivated enough to put in my pictures. Now I'm off to watch a movie with Tatum and Reese, they keep pestering me to join them. It's a classic from the Mary Kate and Ashley film series. I'm pretty sure it had some Oscar nominations.