My Annual Eye Violation

I went to the eye doctor today, about 2 months later than I was supposed to. I always feel this nervy pressure when I go, and not just from the blast of air they shoot in my eyes. But really, I can't even keep my eyes open for pictures half the time, let alone when their machine is turbo farting in my orbs. It's like a game show or quiz show where the clock is ticking down in the speed round and I will LOSE if I don't respond quickly and correctly. "Okay, look at the black dot, and when you see something to the side so faint and fast even superman's x-ray vision wouldn't spot it, push the button." I see the little shimmery disco squares most of the time I think, but I'm so stressed out about it I screw up. I hold my breath, I tense my shoulders, my itchy trigger finger occasionally hits the clicker without my consent.
They make me take out of my contacts. The only time I'm not wearing contacts or glasses is when I'm sleeping, because I am BLIND and I hate that feeling. Others in my predicament also know when you can't see as well you can't hear as well either. So he mutters some mumbo jumbo from across the room and I can see some blurry movement, for all I know he's insulting my momma and making obscene gestures with his hands. "YOU CAN WAIT OVER HERE." he enunciates loudly after I stare blankly in his general direction from my position on the "rest your chin here" chair. And I'm pretty sure he's using both his arms in a full range of motion to indicate the chairs by him.
So then the doctor calls me in, and asks the dreaded questions. "How long do you wear your contacts?" "Longer than I should, heh heh." "HOW LONG?" "3-4 weeks. Um, except this last pair, I've been wearing them longer." "And how long are you supposed to wear them?" "Two weeks." "Mmmm."
And then the pressure's on again. "What's clearer- one or two? Two or three? Three or four? Four or five?" Sometimes there's an obvious difference, but sometimes I'm just guessing. "I don't know, five? Is that right? What do you think? Can I call a friend? CAN I BUY A VOWEL?" Oh, I'm sorry time's up. The answer is four. You don't win the trip to Vegas, but we do have a nice oven mitt made from authentic polyester that's yours just for playing.
I just know the day is coming when they're like "Okay, we can't give you a prescription anymore because judging by your tests your eyes are completely unreliable, making their use a danger to you and everyone around you. Here are some dark glasses and a seeing eye dog. Have a nice day."